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My Fuel Bubble

  After years of traumatic experiences for my Autistic teen at physical schools, mainstream and specialist, and for us as a family, we have all greatly benefited from access to education from home. Recently, he teen tried to put into words why this was important for him and shared the idea of his ‘fuel bubble’. He explained that his fuel bubble has several components. It is the physical space, around his desk, as well as the desk itself, set up just the way he likes it. People coming into his space, especially without warning or preparation, use up his available fuel. Even familiar people coming within a certain distance can have this effect. The closer to the desk, the more fuel is used up. Meanwhile the items he chooses to have close, and the way his desk is organised, his way, gives him energy. When inside his fuel bubble he often connects to others’ fuel bubbles. This can be through virtual connections online, even YouTube videos, but also through real life interaction. Chattin...
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Thoughts on coregulation

 

Supporting someone experiencing distress is like catching up with a driver in a run away car. To help, we might offer reasoning, give instructions or may even try to physically bring the car to a full stop, all whilst it is hurtling at full speed. We are very likely trying to rescue the driver, yet in adding more energy to the situation, blocking their way, forcing a diversion or an emergency stop, we are making their car even more unstable. It's hard enough just keeping that car on the road in that moment. The more we bring to the situation, the greater the risk of crashing for both parties.



 

Although we are drivers too,  we don't know the ins and outs of the other person's car; the fuel level, the wear on the tyres, the load in the boot. We equally might not know how many hours they have been driving for that day, what their journey has been like or where they had planned to go. On top of all these unknowns, we too have our own car to drive, and our own capacity to drive safely in that moment, is reliant on the very same factors. Even if we feel we are the most expert of drivers, we simply cannot drive two cars, hurtling at great speed, and keep them both on the road. Both the driver in the runaway car and the driver in the support vehicle need time to come together safely to avoid a collision.

 

Instead of rushing in, taking charge, believing we know best, we must learn to drive alongside. This means offering calm and stability, journeying with the driver of the runaway car and in sync, in the direction they are going, for as long as it takes. Driving together for a while may be the only thing we can both do safely in that moment, and that is ok. In this time we have space to be curious, to find out some of the unknowns. In being with the other car and the other driver, there is also the opportunity to build mutual trust, time to find a speed that works for us both.

 

We're not rescuing, we're supporting. It's not about taking the driver out of the runaway car, it's about helping them to continue their journey in their car and to travel in the direction they want to go in. In driving and being alongside, we can both be further along the road, still in our cars, and ready for other journeys that lie ahead.



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