A relational circle of care

 

"A relational circle of care"

In systems we talk a lot about care. 'Care' is built into healthcare and social care and is a foundation of education too. As a society it is a good thing that we can provide care for one another. In our 'offer of care', we however often risk manualising something that was never about a process. Care becomes an object that can be held, measured and accounted for. Educational Healthcare plans (EHCPs) and Care, Education and Treatment Reviews (CETRs) are good examples. We set goals, we set dates, and we review, all to prove that we are offering the best care. Yet, in all of these ways of quantifying and measuring, I feel somehow the essence of what it means to be caring can get lost. We too often fail to see care as a relational circle, and the heart of human relationships that lies within.

Caring human relationships are fluid, full of energy and in motion. They are also often fuelled by the power of emotion, that we may feel as love. Our care for each other was never supposed to be linear, streamlined and efficient. When we care for someone we love, we don't structure that care in terms of baselines, goals and outcomes. Frankly, that would be absurd. When we care deeply, we notice instead rhythm, melody and harmony, the nuance of being in tune with, not doing to, the strength of feeling that expands to touch everyone and everything that is involved.

Relational care has space to gently hold these very human dynamics. Curiosity leads to connection. Connection builds the space and safety for collaboration. Collaboration fosters closeness. Closeness opens up more possibilities for curiosity. All these elements are further linked to each other in innumerable ways; sometimes entangled or complex, but always human. Relational care is an interconnected circle, a whole world of interaction, not a flattened and perfected trajectory. 

Making space for relational circles of care in systems is important. These are some of my reflections on how: 

• Giving time to be with another - This is the amount of time that is needed, which may be different to the amount of time available. If we are in caring roles we can advocate for more time. We can do the care work of making time, instead of the person having to feel 'cared for' in the time that is allowed. 
• Creating spaces that respect a person's way of being - Spaces that meet our sensory needs are going to feel more familiar, safer, and take less of our energy just so we can 'be'. We can create 'universal' spaces that consider everyone, instead of being manufactured for efficiency and designed only for some. It's hard to make changes to building and rooms, where cost is an undeniable factor. Instead, we might create respectful spaces in our initial offers of care. For example, we can suggest meeting online or outside, instead of in purposefully built spaces for care, showing we are already mindful or what helps someone feel safe and be well. In offering curiosity from the outset of our relationships, we can build connection before we even meet.
• Listening without judgement - The knowledge that a person brings to an interaction is important. Our knowledge may involve the skills we have learnt or ideas that we have practised. The knowledge that another person brings, their lived knowledge of their lives, is as valid, and no less important. When we listen without judgement, we are opening space for those experiences and that knowledge to be heard, for ideas to flow. Instead of feeling pressed for a response, we can make space for exploration together. We can make collaboration the focus, instead of trying to solve or to fix. Our care work is then about coming closer as equals in a relationship. In this way we may naturally drop words that distance, like 'patient' and 'client'. We may in turn offer curiosity about preferences, asking how words like 'mum' or 'parent' feel and if a person's name works better instead.

When we take time to step outside systems, and see care as a very human response to being with another person, we are already offering relational care. Each element goes beyond the borders of a treatment or intervention. The elements of relational care are acts of care in themselves, and together they offer something that is more human, and dare I say, more effective than any care that can be measured.